A Girl Studying the Body, Mind, and Spirit

Planning to Major in Alternative Medicine and pursue Writing

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I can shake off everything if I write; my sorrows disappear, my courage is reborn! But, and that is the great question, will I ever be able to write anything great, will I ever become a journalist or a writer? I hope so, oh, I hope so very much, for I can recapture everything when I write, my thoughts, my ideals and my fantasies.
Anne Frank

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Close the Book

Ephesians 4:22-24

"22 Throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. 23 Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. 24 Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.”

    I recently finished a journal of mine. I believe it’s the 4th one I’ve finished, and now I have to make the very exhilarating transition into a new one. Before I start a new journal, I always read through my old one and I can’t help but blush and shake my head when I read through it. I can’t believe the stupid decisions that I made in the past year… there were some doozies…a hot mess… full of mistakes that I had successfully pushed out of my memory! It was almost as if I had started a rotation of repetitive mistakes… My life had become a broken record!

    But I never play the blame game. I take full responsibilities for my actions, and I know that they were ultimately MY decisions. I NEVER do anything I don’t want to do. So every situation I’m in, it is because I wanted to put myself in it at that moment. Most of the time, I even consciously know that I will regret it later, but I do it anyway. Yeah, I’m screwed up like that, but at least I own up to it. In all seriousness, I’m only attempting to justify my selfish decisions by basically pounding my chest and taking responsibility for them. As if taking responsibly my bad decisions somehow makes me less of a hypocrite… I know that’s stupid. I am trying to change because I know living life this way is wrong.

    Now comes the time to start a fresh journal, a clean book with no mistakes, and nothing but blank pages. But for the first time in my life…I’m hesitant to write my first entry. The moment I realized this, these verses from Ephesians came to my mind. Paul tells us that we are supposed to throw away our sinful nature and the ways of our past life, which is full of lust and deception (mistakes!). Of course, in my mind, I hear this, “You can’t begin a fresh new journal until you’ve officially closed and put away your old one.” Is my hesitation to begin a new journal just my sinful nature telling me that I’m not ready to stop rereading and living in the ways of my former life? Food for thought and self analyzing. 

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